Is love a relationship?

31 Comments

No one said that life was going to be easy. If there is something that I have learnt in this life it is the fact that our life is not just ours alone.

The thought that a person can live a life all by themselves with no help and support from anyone is a misconception. You may be employed, you may be well paid, you may have a home and you may be financially settled. But monetary issues are not what I am talking about here. I am talking about the psychological issues.

I have come across a lot of people who discuss mental torture and physical torture and how all that is an outcome of the Patriarchal society. And I completely agree with that. Just like any girl who gets into a marriage and even though she knows what she is getting into , she is never actually prepared to face it. Same goes for the boy too. How is he supposed to know how to be a perfect husband, just because he has a wife now!

Marriage , whether arranged or love, always demands a lot of adjustments. People are not tied down to a home environment, they have to create a new environment for themselves. One that includes interests of both the parties involved. It will take time to create such an environment. Time and a whole lot of effort too. Nothing comes easy in life and everything good is always worth fighting for.

I am a true romantic at heart. And that leaves me at an advantage because though I am vulnerable to pain and hurt, I am also game for the pure bliss that love is. Love is not surprise Birthday Parties and Gifts. Love is not spending hours talking to each other over the phone or otherwise. Love is not about spending every waking and sleeping moments together. It is about a feeling of security and attachment. The tinge of jealousy we feel when someone else talks/spends time with our better half. The glow that comes on the face just by thinking about that someone. The concerned eyes that search for the reasons of our depression. The supporting arms that hold us when we cry. The absence and the forgotten dates which are always made up with small gestures of love and passion whenever possible. These are more than what anyone needs to live happily.

I believe we shouldn’t let all this go away just because there are certain things about the other person that we cannot tolerate. Have you thought that there could be things like that about you that he/she can’t tolerate either?  Love is about understanding those flaws and caring for each other inspite of these.

Even though I am well over the age of talking and writing about love, I do believe that in this world where every man is being viewed as a villain and every woman as an angel, we need to understand that among these, there are passionate lovers, doting fathers, blood thirsty vamps and vengeful MILs too. True love or a meaningful life is all about finding the lover in you. And believe me it is there in all of us, we just need to make sure that we find it in time. Life is too short to hold grudges and too long to be lived alone.

Disclaimer: I am not talking about staying in abusive relationships, I am talking about giving every relationship a chance and about considering making some changes and moving ahead like adults should , if there is a possibility to do so!

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31 thoughts on “Is love a relationship?

  1. Every man as villain and every woman as angel? isn’t that a little far-fetched? I don’t think people view theor father, sons, brothers and friends as villains. And every adult with the powers to discern knows that every man is not a villain nor women angels. I would never use the word angel for my MIL 😛 Jokes apart I would never use it for my own self either.
    However much we advice others to accept a person as a whole, with their plus and minus points, it is for each individual to decide which plus and which minus they are prepared to accept in their partner. What may seem negligible to me may not be so for another person. I believe love and its ways are a lot more personal and depends on individuals. What is acceptable to one is not to another. 🙂

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    • I am glad you said that people don’t view their fathers, sons , brothers and friends as villains. So does that mean that everyone else’s fathers, sons, brothers and friends might be?. 🙂

      All women are definitely not angels and neither am I. I am a feminist too. But if being a woman gets me special treatment be it in queues or elsewhere, I would love it. I am such a hypocrite that way. 🙂

      About love, all I am saying is that, even soul-mates have their differences. A little bit of acceptance of the minuses never killed anyone. And every person has a heart and a soul , not just us. So if we need to be given the benefit of the doubt, so should everyone else.

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      • Of course not. That was in reply to what you had written that ‘ men are seen as villains’. This is a tiny example that all men are NOT seen as villains, not by anybody at all. I used the words ‘every adult’ not just family members. Just as the father, brother son etc are not villains, so do we think of other men too along those lines. So I don’t agree with the statement you wrote in your post that ‘all men are seen as villains and all women as angels’.. Have your removed it now? I can’t find it. If you have, please delete my comment too, because then it does not have relevance here. 🙂
        .

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  2. Excellent Jyothi..My thoughts exactly and one is nevr too old to talk about love.

    Today people want perfect partners but are they perfect themselves…
    If you love a person accept him/her in totality with all the baggage he/she comes with.

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  3. 🙂 I ma sure we have discussed this earlier tooo..
    I feel as long as it suits people they think one way and the other way on other occassions..

    men are bad – I have read almost everywehre, I remember writing why dont you leave the men then .. go and live without them and have a good life..

    now LOVe.. well who knows what love is , that too changes defination according to situations .. what is a perfect couple tell me .. WHO is perfect
    the idea is to live together, put a smile on each others face, adjust, sometimes HE sometimes SHE..

    I am what I am , who I am – I say that accept it or leave it simple rule.. I dont want you to change and I ain’s gonna change myself at all .. because this is who we are ..

    PEople have got crosswires about everything .. and this about men this or that will always continues , many of the people who say that their own father or brother or husband may go and eve tease or do something wrong to another female , they will not say a WORD EVER.. but quick to say of others .. such is the way of the world.

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    • You are saying exactly what I am trying to convey here in different words. There is no perfect couple. Period.

      Or maybe every couple is perfect in its own way. 🙂

      Men are not bad and neither are women. But there are bad men and women in this world. How difficult is that to accept? RIGHT?

      About love, it is synonymous with pain. So only the bold have luck in love! 🙂

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  4. well….more than anything in any relation is that one must try n learn to live with the irritants of others and once that happens, ppl start accepting their counterpart as they are by overlooking their bad ones, things are going to be smooth for sure……

    and i just wish that this perception of ppl (specialy the other gender) change that “men are always bad”….. see there are men like me so nice n lovable…Lols…:D

    anyways nice write up on am important aspect of human life.

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  5. Hi, I’m a new reader. What you said is very profound! I know that when we are young, we tend to think as boys as bad (maybe are moms put that thought in our heads!!)…but you are right, there are no perfect marriages and if we do not try to meet each other half-way, all there can be is heartbreak. I think people should try and invest more in their relationships before giving up; except for the situation you mention when the spouse happens to be abusive. In that situation, the woman should run, and fast!

    Do visit me when you have the time!

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  6. I’m not a romantic…..not even an idealist but ur post makes complete sense to me. My H is a bit of loner and I always keep telling him ‘No man is an island….’. We need to keep in touch[here ofcourse I’m talking abt keeping in touch with the rest of the world :-P].

    As for the rest of the post…..Agree, agree and agree 🙂

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  7. Loved the post Jyothi.
    Love is there as long as one lives. Only one has to be in love, bring that precious feeling out of oneself.
    I agree with you, must tolerate and adjust to some extend in a relationship. Men are certainly not made the way the women are. If we are from Venus, men are of course from Mars 🙂 That is where most of the time the differences come up. So blaming one another has never been the solution.
    “Life is too short to hold grudges and too long to be lived alone.” This line says it all beautifully.

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  8. I agree with Rachna.Different strokes,different people.There is no single guide line .As you have said some adjustments,some give and take,creating conducive environment for both and above all turning a blind eye to minor imperfections should make any relationship to glow.

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    • Yes, that is the key to a healthy relationship. But in this fast paced life, even relationships are considered a passing phase and not a way of life. 🙂

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