Expectations Galore

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There are times when I wonder why I was born an emotional person. My parents are caring and understanding too. They value people more than they should and trust easily too. I am sure most people are like that until something happens to break that faith. Then we become cautious of who we trust and how much we trust. It is not because of the fear of losing something precious in the process or something untoward happening. It is mostly to avoid the unbearable pain of disappointment when the realisation of the mistake steps in.

Unbearable is a light word for the hurt we feel. We feel crushed and our dignity and valour just disappear into thin air. The way we handle ourselves in such situations is the measure of how mature we are. Not that the people who are judging our maturity are masters of the art themselves. It is just a matter of comparison and of course of the different situations that cause the anxiety.

The reason for the anxiety is expectations. Expecting people to act in a certain way. Expecting compassion where there is none to be found. Expecting to be understood when the person concerned is not even worthy of being part of the conversation. Feeling betrayed once the expectations aren’t met is what leads into anxiety and which , if left unchecked, can lead to depression.

Studies show that a majority of the people in the age group 30-40 have undergone this form of anxiety and depression at least once. Some recover after the first attack. Some linger on with the hope that life is indeed a fairy tale.

People often go around saying that nothing affects them. What people say about them or what people do to hurt them don’t have an effect on them. I have come to believe that these are the very people who get hurt the most. They just bottle up that hurt and breakdown when the final straw is pulled.

Some others face the demon, suffer a bit, retrace a bit and come to terms with the situation and then move ahead happily. That I think is maturity par excellence. An art that can only be learnt from years and years of being hurt and unknowingly hurting others too. Yes, you do hurt others too with blunt remarks, silly suggestions and unnecessary comparisons.

Having realised this, my life has become a lot better. We should be surrounded by strong and brave people always. Strong enough to support us when we suffer. Brave enough to guide us in the right path. Love and understanding comes from sources that are anchors in our lives. They keep us grounded and loved and they catch us when we fall. These anchors need kindness and support too at times. That’s when the roles reverse. We have to become the anchor. I guess this is the basis of any relationship. Give and take. Nothing comes free in life. Not even love.

Life is always on a two way lane. As you move ahead, you see a few going past you in the opposite direction. You smile thinking that you have been there, have done that. And they smile back at you for the very same reason!

Like I said before, life is all about comparisons. Maturity, success, failure, happiness, sadness, hurt, love, laughter. All these are always measured in comparisons. Our decisions are based on the results of these comparisons. This has to be the biggest flaw in our emotional systems. People get emotional when comparisons happen. Some others see things clear and make correct decisions. Like I said I am too emotional to survive this world. Yet, I am trying to improve with every mistake and every heartbreak.

What do you think? How mature are you? Doesn’t anything affect you? Do let me know. 🙂

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One thought on “Expectations Galore

  1. Great reflections and questions here, Jyothi. I love how this ties in with my recent post too. I’m not sure maturity means that nothing affects us. I think maturity is knowing and understanding our humanness, our strengths and our needs and not being apologetic about them.

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