It has been a while…

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My blog tells me that it has been 5 months since I wrote something here. I guess it is time to start writing again. If only planning to write , wanting to write and writing were all easy to do as they used to be.

Collecting thoughts and putting them down on paper (ahem) isn’t easy anymore. There is so much to say, so much I should not say and so much more that should have been said a long time ago. 

But one has to restart somewhere. Let it be now and let it be here. At the moment that I am still sad that my first born is not at home anymore , yet happy and proud of the man he has turned out to be. He has flown the coop . He is happy at a college in the US. This moment is precious to me. I just realized he misses home. I also just realized how selfish I am!

Let the feeling sink in, I keep telling myself. It hasn’t yet. He is still a child. He still behaves the same. He still is the same. I know it is wishful thinking to hope that he will always remains the same.

I started blogging when my kids were small and blogged through their teenage. In this new phase as a college mom, I am not sure what to blog about anymore. Until I figure out what to write about, I am leaving you with something that’s close to my heart these days :

Missing someone is bad enough, but being missed feels even worse…

Being Hurt

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Being hurt is a sign of being human. Maturity should not take that from us.

   

When we are in a situation that has no solution, what can we do? 

I saw an ad recently issued in public interest about men and crying. It seems it  is something that has been grilled into boys for generations. 

Boys don’t cry!  Ladke rote nahi hai!

My first born is a boy and oh boy , the way he cried just after birth. His cries have kept me awake for nights together when he had the hernia and he couldn’t express what was hurting him. 

My husband cried the day our son was born. He cries when he sees any of us in pain. It’s a natural feeling to be hurt or to cry. Gender has nothing to do with it. Neither does age or maturity. 

It’s all about how much of a human we are. The daughter and I are a bit too human that way. Some insensitive people call us “too” sensitive. We are proud of it though! And no, we were not “taught” to cry because we are women. 

Yes, I am hurt. I am not embarrassed to express it. My life isn’t what I wanted it to be. I am not all what I could have been. 

I never thought being a mother would make me want to not want anything more in life. But it did. Even though it hurt every step of the way. The hurt of seeing my children grow. The hurt of them preparing to start a new life. The hurt of the first few harsh words that teenagers use. I have been there , done that and I have a few grey hairs and wrinkles to prove it. 

I see pregnant ladies in parks and malls and wonder if they have any idea how dramatically their life is going to change. The second child adds to that equation, the complexity of being “fair” and of equality. It never a ends, the battle against hurt. Yet we embrace each new hurt with a smiling face. We are only human. Humans that need love, care, understanding and a reason to continue living.

Laugh when you feel happy, cry when emotions overwhelm you.

That’s what life is all about. The simple essence of it. The essence of being ourselves. About being open to hurt and gaining the ability to overcome that pain. We mature, we learn, we grow. 

Whatever Happened to Love?

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I had a conversation with my daughter a few days ago ( as compared to the shouting matches we generally have). She wanted to know if I was ever in love before I got married. The conversation was obviously about Love and Relationships and all that humbug about who is “with” whom in school. There was a time when this was an issue only with college students or at least high school girls and boys. But I am noticing this between children below the age of 14. Really? You decide whom you want to spend your entire life with at the age of 14?

I got hitched when I was 21 years old, and although I did make the right choice , at that point in time, I was not sure if I was ready for such a commitment! And at the age of 14? 14? And this is a serious issue that actually needs to be discussed with your mother!

I am a teacher too. I have seem how my colleagues react to linkups that happen in middle school nowadays. In this day and age, why do we still cling on to link ups and affairs?  Why can’t there be friendship between boys and girls and just leave it at that!

I asked her to make a list of Pros and Cons of having a boyfriend. The list contained, the “getting noticed”, the popularity, the “coolness” factor. The best feelings that any teenager can hope for. The cons column was empty. She wasn’t sure what to put in there.

Time getting wasted chatting and dreaming, the heartbreak that follows and how it will effect studies, the unwanted attention, the gossips, the jealousy, the break up. Each of these causes a roller coaster of emotions in us. That added to the adolescent changes can bring about disasters of the worst kind. Some even ending their lives because of the embarrassment.

Just remain friends with everyone. Get to know your friends. Discover what traits that you like in others. Develop them in yourself. Create an identity for yourself first. Then and only then, give a chance for love to step in. Anything that makes you jump into mistakes is not love , it is just an infatuation. Let those slip by until your mind is ready to understand and accept the real thing.

Nothing had happened to love. It is still very much there. It is just highly misread and misunderstood these days.

A few Issues

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I have been wanting to do a  rant post for sometime now. But I will refrain from doing that. The rant will contain a few unpleasant words and I want to keep my blog a “child safe” or a “U” one. Yes, my family knows that I blog and where I blog. They just don’t find the time to read and comment. So much for family support and all!

Speaking of family support, I have been taking time off from house work and battling a headache to blog and blog hop. No, I am not forcing myself to do it. I love to do it. But then the family doesn’t seem to understand that with great responsibility comes great commitment! I can’t blog often because of a whole lot of issues. The net connection konking off as and when it wishes is number one on the list. The kids have exams going on and I barely get any alone time at home now. That is number two on the list. “I want food”, “I want water”, “I need silence so no TV and no talking ma”. These are number three on the list.

I am joining a school as a teacher on the 23rd of this month. So the paperwork and visits to the institution and meeting the HR department, were happening the past few days. The amount of time people make you wait is crazy. I am glad I have developed patience over the past few years. That is fourth on the list by the way.

I am traveling on the 13th night to Kerala for my niece’s wedding. So I am busy with the tailors and shopping. The tailor had the audacity to stitch a wrong border on a wrong blouse. Now I need to take them back to him in the evening. There are 6 different functions for this wedding. So you can imagine the clothes and the accessories for the same. That too not just for me, but for my daughter too. I had told the boys to manage their own kurtas and Mundus. There is a limit to the amount of organising a person can do! But I ended up doing it for them too! That is number five on the list.

A change in routine brings on a migraine and stress headaches. I should be used to this by now, but how does one get used to headaches that leave you absolutely useless for the rest of the day! Can’t blog, can’t read and sometimes can’t even sleep! This is reason number six on the list.

Well well! What do you know? It was a rant post after all. And the longest post I have written in months. Phew! The devil in me is trying to peek out into the open. I am putting it back to sleep and keeping my calm. Breathe in , Breathe out, Forgive and Forget!

It is a free write today at the Festival of Words Day 3 @ Write Tribe.

I'm taking part in the Write Tribe Festival of Words -3

Acknowledgement

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Festival of Words

Festival of Words

Is that the same shirt you were wearing yesterday, son? I gathered my courage to ask him. Yes! Came the uninterested reply. The fact that I had placed that shirt in the laundry basket myself this morning along with a set of used socks and sweater ,that I gathered from the bed in his room, had no impact on him!

It is futile expecting the kids’ rooms to be perfect during exams. At least there was no leftover food or sticky stains anywhere to wipe off! Thank you mom, came a loud roar from his room. Music to my ears.

Written for the Second Festival of Words at Write Tribe – Day 4 – Music.

vecchio libro con stilografica

NaBloPoMo December 2013

On the Menu

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Festival of Words

Festival of Words

Life was much simpler when all I had to worry about was cooking food for just the two of us. We were happy with rice gruel even for dinner. Or maybe just a vegetable soup!

Now everyday is a struggle to decide what to cook for dinner. Four people, four choices. We were a family of five. My father and we three sisters were quite happy with whatever my mom decided to place on the table. Am I spoiling my kids giving them such choices?

And by choices I mean the set of restaurant menus I collected over the years!

Written for the Second Festival of Words at Write Tribe – Day 2 – Food.

vecchio libro con stilografica

NaBloPoMo December 2013