When I need to talk, I blog. It is as simple as that…
But right now I am staring at a blank screen and wondering how I used to do this before. I have churned out posts every single day for daily challenges. I have completed months of daily writing challenges. I have said so much and I have read so much. I have gained an impressive amount of knowledge from blogging spheres.
When I first started blogging, my kids weren’t even teenagers. They were growing up way too fast and life was way too complicated. I was working and then I wasn’t. Then I was working again and then I wasn’t. Then I was working again and then I wasn’t. Somewhere between those confused decisions, fateful friendships, colourful colleagues, blogging adventures and the Indian Education System, my kids grew up.
I am expereincing the Empty Nest Syndrome right now. Ideally speaking, I should be getting back to work. I should be getting back in to the crazy world of work politics and tensed relationships. Though, I don’t think I am emotionally stable enough to go through that again. It might seem weird to some, but to me I take such commitments pretty seriously. I give it my 110%. Ultimately leading to disappointments and fatique. My body has a way of responding to emotional stress. It begins to shut down. There are actual studies that show that emotional stress and fatique can lead to physical pain. None of these show up on test results, leaving you even more frustrated with life!
So what does one do to become immune to life. Does one have to sell their soul to the devil to survive this world? Well , that’s a topic for another day I guess. Right now I am stressing out on a series of stupid issues. Somehow typing it out for the world to read leaves an incredible sense of satisfaction. I am not sure a Diary would serve the same purpose. A diary cannot respond. A diary cannot send you good vibes and hugs. It is passive, I am done with passive relationships with anything and anyone.
A sense of calm is prevailing in me now. I am not tensed as I should be. I read a lot, I watch a lot of Tv, I listen to different kinds of music and I love the company of my better half. With the kids gone, it is just the two of us. Boring as hell. Yet , somehow, fulfilling. In between this calm and this euphoria, I have learnt to stay away from Whatsapp groups. It’s a wormhole waiting to take you to another world. A world where misunderstandings and misinterpretations happen beyond our wildest dreams. It’s crazy how sensitive and insecure people are in this world. There is a group of Engineers, out of whom, I think I am the only one who hasn’t had a solid career to speak of. Shouldn’t I be the ones with the most insecurities?
Apparantly, a lot of people who seem well settled with their choices and lives aren’t really so. A discussion can lead to bullying in no time. This can easily be followed by trolling. That’s the pettiness of such insecurities. They just need a victim to have fun with. I have always been an easy prey. I am not too smart when it comes to identifying such traps. I trust too easy. At least I was like that. I have imporved a lot over the years. But it has come to a state that has left me not trusting anyone at all. So I rarely let go of diplomacy when dealing with a group. But still you get roped into something once in a while. Now that I have the time to respond, it is a dangerous game to play. But this time I didn’t give in that easily. At least I don’t think so.
Tell me something, if someone becomes over the top successful in his/her career, can we say that only hardwork got him/her to the position he/she is in now? Is it wrong in saying that the break that someone got is a great one and that he/she is lucky to have got it? Does it negate the hardwork factor in anyway? Obviously they have worked hard, else such a break wouldn’t have come to them in the first place! But not every hardworking individual is blessed with such breaks in life. At least not the ones that lead to over the top success in career. There is a luck factor in everything in life.
Anyways, speaking of insecurities, it seems I do have some of my own too. Actually , I have always had them. I have this feeling that I am never going to be able to be healthy again. So like every New Year before this, this year too, I have a resolution to get back into shape. A nice round but healthy shape.
Who knows, 2018 maybe the year that makes it happen. I am giving myself yet another chance. Let’s hope I don’t let myself down again.
Cheers Bloggers! Happy New Year.