It has been a while…

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My blog tells me that it has been 5 months since I wrote something here. I guess it is time to start writing again. If only planning to write , wanting to write and writing were all easy to do as they used to be.

Collecting thoughts and putting them down on paper (ahem) isn’t easy anymore. There is so much to say, so much I should not say and so much more that should have been said a long time ago. 

But one has to restart somewhere. Let it be now and let it be here. At the moment that I am still sad that my first born is not at home anymore , yet happy and proud of the man he has turned out to be. He has flown the coop . He is happy at a college in the US. This moment is precious to me. I just realized he misses home. I also just realized how selfish I am!

Let the feeling sink in, I keep telling myself. It hasn’t yet. He is still a child. He still behaves the same. He still is the same. I know it is wishful thinking to hope that he will always remains the same.

I started blogging when my kids were small and blogged through their teenage. In this new phase as a college mom, I am not sure what to blog about anymore. Until I figure out what to write about, I am leaving you with something that’s close to my heart these days :

Missing someone is bad enough, but being missed feels even worse…

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Writing 

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It isn’t in the honour or accolades that a writer breathes,
It’s in the inner peace that writing brings,
I write to feel the warmth of the written word,
It’s effect on this cold soul within.

Many years of happiness and pain,
Maketh a writer more supreme,
A writer known for their writing will inturn,
Suffer many more years of happiness and pain.

How different is a writer from a normal soul?
How elite is this crowd that pride?
Aren’t humans a part of the stories we tell?
Aren’t emotions that we shamelessly sell?

Humans above humans, we know not what we think,
It is all for praise for a job well done,
While another human sits to decide, with malice even,
If what I write is in any way worth his while… 

Value Education

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The day started off on a slow note today. I have answer papers to correct from yesterday’s Unit Test. It is a subject that I teach besides my main subject. I also teach Value Education to a bunch of Sixth graders.

This particular subject is the most hated by teachers in the school. The amount of work that goes into making worksheets and test papers for this is not much. But then again, it is a bit too much when you are already loaded with so much work. Sometimes work other than the teaching part of the job.

Like in any job, in teaching too, it is the documentation or what we call as “Evidence” that matters. There is written or photographic proof of everything we do in class and for a class. This is so as to avoid issues later on in the session, when a particular task is questioned and explanations asked. Basically it is about being accountable.

Now in an office environment, this is an easy task. Every communication is documented. But how does one do that when you are imparting education in a class. Yes, of course there is the lesson plan to follow. There are worksheets set. There are textbooks and there are notebooks to mark the progress of a class. But is that really enough?

When a teacher is assessed, I have often wondered, what is it that they look for? Do they want someone who knows a lot about the subject? Or do they want someone who knows enough about the subject so as to be able to explain it well to middle school children?

Is it about the worksheets and notes? Is it about interactive classes or is it about being nice to the students to win their confidence? Or is it about being strict with them to make them regular in their work?

In my opinion, it is all about the balance. Just like we do with our own kids, the students in school need to be treated with respect and love. No harshness doesn’t mean being lenient. It just means that work can be done by being strict, but not by being mean.

During my previous stint as a teacher, I was so busy with the documentation work that I rarely got time to spend time chatting with the students. Even when I was a class teacher, the workload was so much that I used to barely get time to get the attendance done and circulars or cash collection done during the class teacher’s period. During my teaching periods, I had to complete the syllabus. So it was basically a rat race back then. I would come home to two young children who needed my undivided attention and the struggle would continue.

Now that my kids are bigger, I am not as tensed as before. I can plan and do my work on time. The result is that I can make time to converse with the students that I teach Value Education to. At least once a week, I spend time with them, I observe them and I learn from them.

My values are being added to with lesson I teach them. I wonder why then is this subject so hated by all…

A Free Write

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I haven’t the faintest idea why I have embarked on this mission today. I am not able to blog these days. It is driving me crazy. I get email updates when my friends blog and it irritates me because I am not able to do so myself. Then I hear that November is the month to get back to writing. To that , add the magic words “500 words”. I am a fan of such short post challenges that don’t expect much from you other than just writing 500 words a day. How difficult can that be?

I speak a lot to people these days. My talks with myself thus reducing with each passing day. That is what this blog is all about. Me speaking to myself. Yes, I am self obsessed that way!

When I read about My500Words at Write Tribe , I knew that this was it. I need something like this to blog again. So here I am, doing a free write. Just letting the world know that I pledge to write for 31 days.

I am guessing the prompts are going to come into my email everyday. Thus, pushing me to write for the day. I hope so. I really need that reminder to go on.

Facebook is a long lost dream now. So no joining groups for a while. Maybe when I sit up and write continuously for a few days and get into the habit of it, I shall consider using facebook groups again.

Yes, I am thinking out loud. This is a free write remember!  Being a teacher, my mind is always busy planning something or the other. So why not plan my blogging too. Writing 500 words a day can’t be difficult at all. Considering there is so much happening these days for me to share.

My job keeps me engaged, my kids keep me on my toes and my writing keeps me sane. Yesterday , I wrote the first few scenes of a screenplay for a movie making competition. I needed to give a sample of a script to the students to work on. They need to work on different story lines based on the few scenes I have written. That is when it struck me. I miss writing. I miss it a lot. My English might not be perfect, my technique might not be right. But I love to write. That is a good sign isn’t it?

There is a story that I started on this blog a few weeks ago. I haven’t been able to give it a part two so far. Maybe I will continue with that. Maybe I will write one  short story a day. Maybe I will just ramble through the 500 words everyday. That is the beauty of this. There is no theme, no restrictions. I just need to write 500 words about anything.

There is so much joy in writing, only now do I realize how important blogging is to me. I will try and be regular. My word count is at 510 now. And here I stop for the day…

The Incident

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Car Diving

Picture Courtesy : Car Diving

It took a while for her to realize what was happening around her. The last thing Rema remembered is getting into the car and starting the engine. She was to pick up her daughter from her piano lessons. It was a 15 minute drive to the institute and was something that she always looked forward to doing.

 

Now she sat covered in a blanket wet to her bones being questioned by the police. A lady inspector was asking her if she was alright? Was she? She didn’t know what was happening. She doesn’t remember how she got there. How is she to answer a question like that? She sat there staring at the Inspector.

 

Inspector Jeena was looking over towards the other side of the lake. There on a stretcher was the body of an unidentified man. It wasn’t a gruesome scene at all. But she didn’t want the lady driver to see that scene as yet. She turned Rema to face the other direction and was trying to ask her a few questions. It looked like she was in a state of shock. Which is obvious after being pulled out of the lake after the car ran into it. Rema was plain lucky that she managed to get out the car. A passerby had rescued her and brought her to shore. The lake wasn’t a very deep one.

 

Now when the men were pulling out the car using a crane, Inspector Jeena could see that the windows were open. That is how Rema managed to surface. But why didn’t the man surface in time too, she thought. The post mortem is going to reveal the truth soon, thought she. Until then, it is best to keep all this from Rema. Not knowing what happened, a state of temporary amnesia is quite common in such accidents. This case will take some time to solve. There goes the fun Christmas holiday weekend with her daughter, she thought, as she nodded her head to inform the people to carry the body to the morgue for post mortem.

 

There was another ambulance ready to take Rema to the hospital. Jenna walked her to the ambulance, laid her down on the stretcher and got in with the nurses. She normally goes in the police jeep, but this time she somehow wanted to accompany Rema in the ambulance. Rema was holding on to Jeena’s hand tightly all along, but her eyes were now fixed on the van ceiling. Almost like as if she was in a trance.

 

To be continued……

G for Guilt

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That’s three in a row! It is perfect for the situation. Guilty as charged on all counts of stupidy that I have done in the name of good parenting.

And also apt because with this GUILT, I end the A to Z series. I am starting something  new on both my blogs from tomorrow.


G for Guilt

I watch you rise,
After every fall,
I watch you smile,
After every lull.

 

I caused this,
This pain you know,
I don’t regret it,
It was for you to grow.

 

I could have nodded,
Agreed with you too,
But I am a mother,
I care about you.

 

Proud of the man you are today,
I look at you without any guilt,
For if I hadn’t let you go, 
How would you do your bit?

 

~~ Jyothi Nair  – 22nd February 2014 ~~

A to Z

A to Z