It has been a while…

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My blog tells me that it has been 5 months since I wrote something here. I guess it is time to start writing again. If only planning to write , wanting to write and writing were all easy to do as they used to be.

Collecting thoughts and putting them down on paper (ahem) isn’t easy anymore. There is so much to say, so much I should not say and so much more that should have been said a long time ago. 

But one has to restart somewhere. Let it be now and let it be here. At the moment that I am still sad that my first born is not at home anymore , yet happy and proud of the man he has turned out to be. He has flown the coop . He is happy at a college in the US. This moment is precious to me. I just realized he misses home. I also just realized how selfish I am!

Let the feeling sink in, I keep telling myself. It hasn’t yet. He is still a child. He still behaves the same. He still is the same. I know it is wishful thinking to hope that he will always remains the same.

I started blogging when my kids were small and blogged through their teenage. In this new phase as a college mom, I am not sure what to blog about anymore. Until I figure out what to write about, I am leaving you with something that’s close to my heart these days :

Missing someone is bad enough, but being missed feels even worse…

Are you mature?

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Are you Mature?

Are you Mature?

While in college, there was a “ Test your Maturity” Quiz in a magazine. I laugh off such results especially if I don’t like them. But a friend indicated that indeed I am not mature enough. At that point maturity for me was being able to make the right decisions and not be stubborn and childish. I took pride in these, even though I was the youngest child. I’d do things differently for sure. Leave the so called friends circle who were bent upon destroying my confidence. Maturity is relative I am told. I was above such immaturity and such friendships.

Written for Write Tribe 100 words on Saturday Prompt

Today’s prompt is from the lovely Aditi of Life Is A Journey….Make It BeaYOUtiful.

 I’d do things differently

100 Words on Saturday - Write Tribe

NaBloPoMo November 2013

Picture Courtesy – famquotes.com

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This completes my month long NaBloPoMo November posting. I got this idea to do a linkup everyday of this month during the first week only. I have done 30 linkups this month. The Diwali Diyas post didn’t have a linkup, but Memories had two linkups.  So I guess my theme for the month was ” 30 days 30 linkups”. 😀

And Yay! I posted every single day without a break in November 2013. 😀 😀 😀

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Have a soul

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Have A Soul

Have A Soul

I looked like them. I behaved like them. I had managed to become a part of the hep gang in school. I had to change myself completely. That day, sitting in the front row amongst the popular kids, I was the happiest soul. Had I looked back, I would have realised that they were taking me for a ride. Tears wouldn’t stop as I stared at the telecast of that match on cafeteria TV. The mean girls were mocking my every move behind my back. So naive I had been to think that I could belong in that soulless group.

Written for 100 words on Saturday at Write Tribe.

Today’s prompt is courtesy Nischala Murthy who blogs at Verve:  “Had I looked back”

 

100 Words on Saturday - Write Tribe

NaBloPoMo November 2013

Picture Courtesy : Allthetests.com

That first day

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It was my first day in college. Not just my first day in college, but my first day in any Indian Institution. My first day in a co-education system. The day in class was spent on introductions and settling down to the college atmosphere. Getting used the college air. Getting used to the “infamous” verandah in the college. Getting used to looking at a Senior with a sense of fear and maybe a bit of respect too.

The first floor was “no access domain” for the seniors. This was purely to avoid ragging of any kind. I was the only day scholar amongst girls. I didn’t have to follow the Freshie Dress Code. And what a dress code it was.! You had to wear mismatched salwar kameez. All three pieces must be of different colours. Hair must be oiled and plaited. To top it all, you had to wear only Hawai Chappals. I felt sad for the girls, in a way. But in a way I was happy too for them. They were united in that fate. I was alone.

Later, on that first day itself, we had a fresher’s meet in the auditorium. The principal and staff welcomed us, explained the rules and told us to register a complain about any inconveniences we face in college or hostel. My mom was waiting outside the college with my brother-in -law. They knew when the last bell would ring and were patiently waiting for me.

Because of the meeting , I was delayed. There were no mobile phones back then to message my mom and tell her the reason for my being late. I knew she would be upset. But, I couldn’t possibly walk out of the room just because mom was waiting, right? So I stayed till the end of the meeting.

When I walked down the steps to reach the parking lot, I noticed my mom sitting in the car with the windows down and eyes on the steps that I was going to use to come down . I saw the relief on her face when she saw me. At that point, the rebel in me, thought that she just didn’t trust me to be left alone anywhere. She has always been the over protective mom. It is only now , now that I am a mom too, do I realise what she must have gone through in that one hour that I was delayed. They did ,however, come to know about the meeting towards the end of that hour, on enquiry. But the anxiety of her child’s first day in college and the dangers that lurk around, always makes a mother paranoid.

This is the memory that came rushing back into my thoughts when I visited my college premises last month, after 17 years. That is a very long time. Almost feels like an eternity ago. How everything about me has changed since then!

You want to see it? Well, this is where it all began. My life as an adult. My life as a free (or somewhat free) soul. This is where it all changed. My thoughts, my ideas, my perception , my friends and my love.

Nothing much has changed there. A few new blocks have been added to the college and hostels and they have put check points all through the campus and hostels. Ironically , even the temple, children’s park and the park are all inside the campus. We have to cross check points to enter these premises. I had to tell them that I am an ex student and they let me in to see it all. 🙂

Let’s begin with the entrance and the steps, shall we?

MIT Entrance

MIT Entrance

Next, the entrance to the first floor , where we used to make Pookalam during Onam season. Where all the tables were laid when registrations were going on for various events. You can see the tables now too. New batch was settling in on the day I visited. It was closing time and thankfully isolated.  I have sat in one of those chairs , while I took in registrations for a cultural event. Ages ages ages ago.

MIT Entrance Hall

MIT Entrance Hall

Don’t you want to see the inside of my campus? It just brings in a flood of memories! I wouldn’t know where to begin.

The main campus

The main campus

Next comes to the second most visited place in Manipal during my stay there. This was close to our hostel and we could walk to it every morning if we wanted to. This place has brought so much Solace to aching souls there. All those homesick freshers, all those “give me marks I smash coconuts” students, all those love sick and lost souls. I bet this temple and its adjacent parks have a million stories to tell.

Sree Krishna Temple

Sree Krishna Temple

Adjacent to this temple are the parks. The one right in front of the temple was for romantic walks , complete with flowers and fountains. In front of this was a Bhel Puri Vendor. That was the first time I tasted Bhel Puri. There is still one there now and it still tastes the same. I like them without onions.

Bhel Puri Park

Bhel Puri Park

Now comes the most important place. You see the swings in the picture below? I used to spend most of my evenings there on them. That is when and where I used to think about everything with a free mind. After sunset, just after rains, in that cool wind, my hair flying all over the place. It was an amazing feeling. This is the part that I miss the most about my life in Manipal.

Park Swings

Park Swings

I have more pictures of the college and Manipal , but this post is already too lengthy. Maybe some other time, I will share more. If nostalgia forces me to.

So what are your first day in college memories? Do share them. College years are after all the best years of our lives, however uneventful they might have been…..

Life is a series …

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mistakes

I don’t know if it is my almost shutdown brain speaking or if it’s the truth. But I do think that life is becoming more and more like a series of mistakes.

We at some or the other point in life think that being born to our parents was a mistake. I, for one, was always waiting to find out that I was actually a long lost child who was exchanged during childbirth. And that I would suddenly wake up one day and realize that I am an heiress. The things I wanted to buy with all my inheritance were many!

While in school I discovered that I was not meant to be a part of this cruel world. I was neither a teacher’s pet nor a popular gal. In fact I remember a time when there was a voting for the class monitor and I got just two votes.  And no, I hadn’t voted for myself!

Later when I entered teenage I felt that being born the youngest is a mistake. I have two elder sisters, and both of them were married when I was just in the 9th grade. I made it through teenage in the shadow of REAL world problems of my elder sisters. Just a note, teenage problems are never real. Or so I was taught to believe. It’s sad though, that is when your life decisions are made.  Yeah, being third in line had its share of disadvantages.

Later, in college I got admission into the wrong branch of Engineering. I think the mistakes I made during college were innumerable. I am not talking about “going to prison” kind of mistakes. I am talking about the mistakes the heart makes, sometimes just by listening to the head.

Married life brought along with it a whole lot of issues that were totally new to me. You would think that with two elder sisters as examples, I would have learnt to have and lead a perfect life. But alas, no two lives are the same and neither are the adventures they face.

Coming to the children I raised, I am not sure where to begin. At times I feel I have done a good job with them, and at times I really wonder how they got to be who they are now. Did I really teach them that?  Am I really a good role model for them?

So you see, life is a series of mistakes. What would I have been if I hadn’t made all these mistakes or if these mistakes hadn’t happened to me?  Would I be a totally different individual?

Do experiences really change the person who we are? Or does it only change how we view life and its contents?

Do ponder on this issue, while I continue making mistakes. I think I am getting better at it with each passing year.