Being Hurt

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Being hurt is a sign of being human. Maturity should not take that from us.

   

When we are in a situation that has no solution, what can we do? 

I saw an ad recently issued in public interest about men and crying. It seems it  is something that has been grilled into boys for generations. 

Boys don’t cry!  Ladke rote nahi hai!

My first born is a boy and oh boy , the way he cried just after birth. His cries have kept me awake for nights together when he had the hernia and he couldn’t express what was hurting him. 

My husband cried the day our son was born. He cries when he sees any of us in pain. It’s a natural feeling to be hurt or to cry. Gender has nothing to do with it. Neither does age or maturity. 

It’s all about how much of a human we are. The daughter and I are a bit too human that way. Some insensitive people call us “too” sensitive. We are proud of it though! And no, we were not “taught” to cry because we are women. 

Yes, I am hurt. I am not embarrassed to express it. My life isn’t what I wanted it to be. I am not all what I could have been. 

I never thought being a mother would make me want to not want anything more in life. But it did. Even though it hurt every step of the way. The hurt of seeing my children grow. The hurt of them preparing to start a new life. The hurt of the first few harsh words that teenagers use. I have been there , done that and I have a few grey hairs and wrinkles to prove it. 

I see pregnant ladies in parks and malls and wonder if they have any idea how dramatically their life is going to change. The second child adds to that equation, the complexity of being “fair” and of equality. It never a ends, the battle against hurt. Yet we embrace each new hurt with a smiling face. We are only human. Humans that need love, care, understanding and a reason to continue living.

Laugh when you feel happy, cry when emotions overwhelm you.

That’s what life is all about. The simple essence of it. The essence of being ourselves. About being open to hurt and gaining the ability to overcome that pain. We mature, we learn, we grow. 

Born Crying

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Ever wondered why babies are born crying?

A toddler girl crying

A toddler girl crying (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Crying is often associated with sadness. At times it is even associated with a sense of relief. “Tears of happiness” is an oxymoron. But those who have experienced the pleasure of crying when happy will vouch for the fact that it is defintely a high.

Every human is born with the desire to be appreciated. The life cycle of a human baby begins with a cry. They then  learn to smile, turn over, sit, crawl, walk and talk. Each milestone clearly memorable and highly cherished by parents and grandparents alike. Every accomplishment cheered, every achievement greeted with a tear in the eye. They learn to read, they learn to write, they recieve academic and artistic accolades , adolescence, young adults and then finally into adults.

Without encouragement and nurturing, none of these achievements would be worth achieving. So in short, our life is basically about  teaching our children how to smile. It doesn’t come naturally like a cry does. It is a learned habit.

If this basic principle is followed, if people understood that life is to be lived one smile after another, then the world would be a much happier place. With great difficulty and hope kids are nurtured to grow into happy individuals. It is really a pity how short lived that happiness is for certain people at the hands of cruelty or rudeness of certain others.

When crying is the basic instinct, how can it be called weakness?  Crying proves how at times, the only way to feel better is to let it all out. The relief that this act of crying brings about is immense. Life is complete when you can cry without fear into the shoulder of a friend with no fear of being judged or ridiculed. The power of tears should never be underestimated.

Even in love, the most powerful emotion, the worth of tears is at par with the joy it brings. The mere presence of someone brings you joy, and their absence leaves a tear. Both go hand in hand. In every case , attachment is the key to these tears. Like the child gets detached from the womb of its mother, and mourns its independence. The attachment deteriorates over time, until detachment sets in.

Detachment or the art of letting go. The power to withstand sadness. The ability to control the impact of hurt and pain. The ability to not give into the basic instinct of crying it out loud. But to keep it all in , in the name of maturity and appropriateness. How does one live a life of detachment? How does one attain that peaceful state? Is that what people refer to as achieving Salvation? In a way, that is an incredible achievement. But at what cost? At the cost of losing our compassion for life? Life then becomes, a breathing in and breathing out exercise.

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