June Photo A Day 30

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I am doing yet another month of Daily Photo Blogging. June Photo A Day 30 is here. And I am enjoying the experience. I hope you are too. 🙂

Day 30 : Handwriting

That’s my daughter’s hand and that is her Math writing. Handwriting it is!

This is the last day of June Photo A Day. I hope to do more of these daily photo challenge in the future. But, the next two months are summer vacations here. Planning to go out more often. So hopefully, there will be plenty more photos showing up on the this blog. Do stay connected for more……

Handwriting

Handwriting

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Mother or not?

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I had an encounter of a strange kind yesterday. Before I describe the event, let me introduce the situation. It was a Weekend and the time of day was around 4:00 pm. My daughter and I had an appointment at the Beauty Parlour. I needed a facial and a hot oil massage , and the daughter needed a protein treatment for her rather irritatingly curly and slightly rough hair. Irritating because, I have straight hair and I have no idea how to take care or manage her lovely curly locks. Especially since she despises them so much. She despises them because I have straight hair. She thinks it is a crime against her that she didn’t get my kind of hair or nails. When the truth is, I would kill for her bushy, incredibly lovely hair. Her crowning glory it is and she keeps it in a ponytail at all times, much to my irritation. I think I have deviated from the topic enough now. Mother or not?  That is the question!

Back to the incident that triggered this post. There was another pair of mother- daughter there. I am not generally of the comparing kind (Ahem), but then I had to. There was such a contrast between the two sets that it left me wondering, what I am doing wrong. The daughter is skinny, with extremely thin hair. She was talking about Prom and such stuff, so I am guessing she is in her high school graduation year (though she looked older) . An average looking, hyperactive young lady. The mother is not fat from any angle (but good looking), she has thin hair too, she has was getting her Manicure and Pedicure done, before her facial and waxing. The daughter was getting her waxing done, when we made entry into the scene.

The daughter needed to use the washroom at one point. This particular parlour has its washroom outside the main room. She had to go out into the public before accessing it. She was not appropriately clothed as she had changed from her half jeans into an extremely short pair of shorts. Without her jacket, she was mostly naked. It took a lot of convincing from her mother for her to cover up before leaving the room. In this country, dressing appropriately is a necessity. So her apprehension is very reasonable. The girl doesn’t have that much of an accent, so I am guessing she has had her education here. Maybe in the American System of education here itself. She cant speak a word or even understand Malayalam, her mother tongue, which her mom speaks with perfect fluency.

All these are not the things that made me feel strange. This is quite common here. And has been common even when I was growing up here. They were loud people, so it was difficult not to hear what they were talking about. In fact, their talks were more or less like a show for the rest of us to watch and enjoy.They were referring to her father as Dada. Dada wouldn’t like this hairstyle, Dada would get angry and such stuff. But the girl calls her mother by name! This is what struck me. I know there is nothing wrong with calling your mom by her name. I have done it too. Just for fun. Just to irritate her. My daughter does the same to me too, when she gets into her grandmother mode. But this was not like that. She was actually calling her mother by her name every single time!

I am not sure why I found it strange, because it shouldn’t matter all that much. But then it does to me. I would go crazy if my kids starting calling me by my name. I have earned every right to be called mom. And no way would I give up that position in their lives. I am their friend, I know. Sometimes they advice me, I know. But still, I am their mom! No matter what!

What do you think? Would you be ok with being called by your name by your kids?

 

 

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A Diwali in Abu Dhabi

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With exams still going on, the children were made to study for a while in the hotel room yesterday. The hubby is in Abu Dhabi this whole week. He wanted to spend Diwali with us. So I drove down there yesterday afternoon.

Before settling down for the night, the kids were reading their books. I am not using the word “studying” purposely. I know my kids too well. The ambience was absolutely wrong for studies! I overhead this conversation between the kids.

Daughter (D) : Why are you not reading?
Son (S) : You keep quiet!
D : Amma, he is not concentrating!
Me : Hmmm.. Ok.. ( busy uploading pics from Mobile)
D to S : Why are you looking at the paintings??
S : I am admiring the pictures framed here. Buzz off!
D : Why are you wasting time looking at these paintings? Amma’s photographs are so much better! Study Now!

My neck suddenly raised from it is constant position of looking at the mobile to staring at my Daughter in admiration. She not only learnt how to nag like me, she , she actually appreciated my photography!

I did a little joy dance in my mind and went back to the pictures on my mobile……

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Safety First

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My daughter ,the other day, was ordering some items from the grocery nearby over the phone. The same order, if my son or I had given would have ended in less than three minutes. She took more than five minutes. That too after I asked her to disconnect the line. She was being nice on the phone. She spoke very sweetly to the person and was trying to make the guy understand what a “Strawberry Flavoured Yoghurt” is. That was fine. She was giggling too during the process. This somehow rang alarm bells in me. She was then being asked the particulars of the curd and other items that needed to be ordered. Which generally never happens on certain items , because they are a small shop and have only limited varieties and brands. I asked her to end the conversation as soon as possible.

This is something typical what my mom would have asked me to do. She was always highly cautious of who I spoke to and how I spoke to the person. She was my moral and behavioural watchdog. Though I resented it at the point, I now realise how important those teachings have been. Being naive and thus being nice to everyone is an inborn faulty trait. Sadly my daughter has got it from me. These kind of people trust everyone blindly. They are highly immature in their ways. And hence are the ones who end up getting hurt the most. If it was just an emotional hurt, that is bearable. Not acceptable, but bearable. The breaking of trust can leave a scar. But when that very same breaking of trust ends up violating someone physically, it ends up being a crime.

In many ways I was restricting my daughter’s freedom to do and say as she desires. Being a feminist I would want her to talk in whatever way she choses to and to whoever she wants to. But I just couldn’t. Does that make me a hypocrite?

Being nice gets you friends in the long run. Being cautious of people rarely helps in that account. It takes ages for someone like me to trust someone first. Friendship and everything else comes a long way down the line. I am in a dilemma whenever parenting issues come up these days. Am I so proud of what I have become to make my daughter follow the same cautious path that I took? Or do I let her be more open and trusting to people. I am not just referring to men here. Girls can deliberately land you in trouble too.

I can stay back and not be a helicopter mom if all that would come out of that was a failed test or unattended extra curricular. But should I back out from protecting her or teaching her how to protect herself emotionally and physically?

Everyone says if you have one of each kind, a son and a daughter, your family is COMPLETE. I think it is time this is rephrased. The mother of such a family is FINISHED! This situation is the worst to be in. I want to be a feminist when I teach my son how to respect women and to treat them as equals. On the other hand I am restricting my daughter from doing certain things. No, I don’t make any differences in the way the two are brought up. They enjoy the same rights to attend parties, movies , sleepovers and trips. But they have to be taught a different set of rules when it comes to safety.

Where does a parent draw the line between his/her own views on feminism or right to equality and the safety of his/her child?

Happens for the Better

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Whatever happens always happens for the better. Is it ok to believe this?

In life so many tragedies happen. Some of them are truly unspeakable. Some of them brings tears into our eyes. Some tend to make us feel lucky that we are not a part of it. Some just leaves us numb.

Whatever is the reason or the outcome of such tragedies, someone or the other at some point would have said, “Things always happen for the better”.

If you come to think of it, it’s a lame excuse. But when it comes to tragedies, what else can you look for. There is no logic in why certain things happen to certain people and not the others. It’s a simple case of Randomness.

I keep shifting my focus from one thing to another. Sometimes I do go back to what I was doing before and sometimes, I never look back. But one thing is common to all these changes. They have always taught me something new. Change is good. Being the same person, looking the same way, talking to the same people, eating the same kind of food, being at the same place of work, or staying in one home throughout our lives might be acceptable to many.

I have always loved change. It’s a miracle that I spent 12 years of my life staying in the same house and going to the same school. There was never a change from this basic routine. Friends and relatives were also the same for that period of time. Very few additions and a very few subtractions.

Ever since I entered college, my life has not stayed the same for more than 2 years. I have shifted homes, I have shifted between states and even between countries. As a result of this change, my kids have shifted homes often too.

What stuck me about this whole shifting and moving and changing is that, all of it has made me a better person. I have learnt something from every change.

Recently my daughter asked me, “Mom, can we stay in this house for the rest of our school life at least?”. I looked at her and wondered what her life would have been like the past few years. If she were ever to blog about her past and about her parents, what would the content be like? Would she be glad that there were so many changes in her life and that each change was a learning experience , or would she say that life was never a stable one.

Life takes a full circle I guess. Not long ago I was wondering where life would lead me and I couldn’t wait for a whole lot of changes to happen to me. Here, my daughter is wondering if there will be stability in our lives for the next 5 years.

What I am to tell her? That her parents are ambitious when it comes to exploring life and its options. Or that there is no guarantee to anything in life.

Whatever happens , happens for the better. All I can do is keep believing in this.

Oh Boy! Oh Boy! Its Weekend again!

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In an extremely good mood, I went about the breakfast job this morning. It’s weekend and it’s ok to have a reasonably late meal. The kids were seated, breakfast was served. On weekends the daughter loves to have a cup of tea instead of milk.

She: “What magic have you done to this tea, Amma?”

Me: (a little confused) “Nothing, just the usual. Why?”

She: “It’s amazing”

Me: (all smiling and happy) “Thank you dear. I just added a bit of love to it today morning just for you.” (being highly dramatic)

She: (with a sly smile) ” Boy! Your love does fluctuate a lot!”

Me: (back down on earth) “Well yeah true. Shut up and eat your breakfast! ”

Sigh! What a weekend! And it’s only beginning!

By the way, Happy 11-11-11 to all! Hope something great happens in your life today! 🙂