Have a soul

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Have A Soul

Have A Soul

I looked like them. I behaved like them. I had managed to become a part of the hep gang in school. I had to change myself completely. That day, sitting in the front row amongst the popular kids, I was the happiest soul. Had I looked back, I would have realised that they were taking me for a ride. Tears wouldn’t stop as I stared at the telecast of that match on cafeteria TV. The mean girls were mocking my every move behind my back. So naive I had been to think that I could belong in that soulless group.

Written for 100 words on Saturday at Write Tribe.

Today’s prompt is courtesy Nischala Murthy who blogs at Verve:  “Had I looked back”

 

100 Words on Saturday - Write Tribe

NaBloPoMo November 2013

Picture Courtesy : Allthetests.com

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7 steps to a hell

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As part of the Festival Of Words at Write Tribe.

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A post a day for 7 days this week. Today is the Sixth Day.

7 steps to a hell

Have you wondered how a relationship/ friendship happens? I was just thinking about it today and I thought I will list my process here.

1. Initial hiccup

It takes a long time for me to be able to like someone. It takes much longer than it should.

2. It is all about trust

Once the person is identified as likeable, he/she has to be classified as trustworthy too. Guys can break our heart if we are not careful . Girls on the other hand, can cause us trauma.

3. First move

Whether it is a friendship or a relationship , it is very important who makes the first move. I am nice and friendly with everyone , but I rarely open my heart to people until they have approached me first. Bad idea. I know.

4. I never admit my mistakes

I am a “Do right” person. Like most people are. But sometimes my right may not be your right. Learning of the co existence of varied people species rights and wrongs happened quite late in life. Or you can say, it is still a work in progress.

5. And I expect

Once I accept a friend , I expect complete loyalty. No, not that that person cannot share any other relationship with any other person. I just would like our relationship to be treated with respect. No back biting. No ignoring. And no forgetting important dates like birthdays. Is that too much to ask?

6. I am a clingon

Once I have identified the prey, he/she may want to leave me for any number of reasons. Hey, no one’s perfect. But I will most likely be the last person to understand that I have been let go.

7. The afterward

Once let gone, I expect secrecy. Once a friend turns to be a foe or just an acquaintance again, private details have a way of surfacing. If I was correct in my step 1 and 2 of the analysis process, then this would not be an issue. But if I was wrong, then there is the trauma or the hurt.

Sheesh! I guess this is why I have very few friends in life. Too much work!

Friendship is a very important relationship. Treat it with respect and learn to maintain it. Life will then be smooth sailing. Otherwise friendship will be just another disaster waiting to happen!

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That first day

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It was my first day in college. Not just my first day in college, but my first day in any Indian Institution. My first day in a co-education system. The day in class was spent on introductions and settling down to the college atmosphere. Getting used the college air. Getting used to the “infamous” verandah in the college. Getting used to looking at a Senior with a sense of fear and maybe a bit of respect too.

The first floor was “no access domain” for the seniors. This was purely to avoid ragging of any kind. I was the only day scholar amongst girls. I didn’t have to follow the Freshie Dress Code. And what a dress code it was.! You had to wear mismatched salwar kameez. All three pieces must be of different colours. Hair must be oiled and plaited. To top it all, you had to wear only Hawai Chappals. I felt sad for the girls, in a way. But in a way I was happy too for them. They were united in that fate. I was alone.

Later, on that first day itself, we had a fresher’s meet in the auditorium. The principal and staff welcomed us, explained the rules and told us to register a complain about any inconveniences we face in college or hostel. My mom was waiting outside the college with my brother-in -law. They knew when the last bell would ring and were patiently waiting for me.

Because of the meeting , I was delayed. There were no mobile phones back then to message my mom and tell her the reason for my being late. I knew she would be upset. But, I couldn’t possibly walk out of the room just because mom was waiting, right? So I stayed till the end of the meeting.

When I walked down the steps to reach the parking lot, I noticed my mom sitting in the car with the windows down and eyes on the steps that I was going to use to come down . I saw the relief on her face when she saw me. At that point, the rebel in me, thought that she just didn’t trust me to be left alone anywhere. She has always been the over protective mom. It is only now , now that I am a mom too, do I realise what she must have gone through in that one hour that I was delayed. They did ,however, come to know about the meeting towards the end of that hour, on enquiry. But the anxiety of her child’s first day in college and the dangers that lurk around, always makes a mother paranoid.

This is the memory that came rushing back into my thoughts when I visited my college premises last month, after 17 years. That is a very long time. Almost feels like an eternity ago. How everything about me has changed since then!

You want to see it? Well, this is where it all began. My life as an adult. My life as a free (or somewhat free) soul. This is where it all changed. My thoughts, my ideas, my perception , my friends and my love.

Nothing much has changed there. A few new blocks have been added to the college and hostels and they have put check points all through the campus and hostels. Ironically , even the temple, children’s park and the park are all inside the campus. We have to cross check points to enter these premises. I had to tell them that I am an ex student and they let me in to see it all. 🙂

Let’s begin with the entrance and the steps, shall we?

MIT Entrance

MIT Entrance

Next, the entrance to the first floor , where we used to make Pookalam during Onam season. Where all the tables were laid when registrations were going on for various events. You can see the tables now too. New batch was settling in on the day I visited. It was closing time and thankfully isolated.  I have sat in one of those chairs , while I took in registrations for a cultural event. Ages ages ages ago.

MIT Entrance Hall

MIT Entrance Hall

Don’t you want to see the inside of my campus? It just brings in a flood of memories! I wouldn’t know where to begin.

The main campus

The main campus

Next comes to the second most visited place in Manipal during my stay there. This was close to our hostel and we could walk to it every morning if we wanted to. This place has brought so much Solace to aching souls there. All those homesick freshers, all those “give me marks I smash coconuts” students, all those love sick and lost souls. I bet this temple and its adjacent parks have a million stories to tell.

Sree Krishna Temple

Sree Krishna Temple

Adjacent to this temple are the parks. The one right in front of the temple was for romantic walks , complete with flowers and fountains. In front of this was a Bhel Puri Vendor. That was the first time I tasted Bhel Puri. There is still one there now and it still tastes the same. I like them without onions.

Bhel Puri Park

Bhel Puri Park

Now comes the most important place. You see the swings in the picture below? I used to spend most of my evenings there on them. That is when and where I used to think about everything with a free mind. After sunset, just after rains, in that cool wind, my hair flying all over the place. It was an amazing feeling. This is the part that I miss the most about my life in Manipal.

Park Swings

Park Swings

I have more pictures of the college and Manipal , but this post is already too lengthy. Maybe some other time, I will share more. If nostalgia forces me to.

So what are your first day in college memories? Do share them. College years are after all the best years of our lives, however uneventful they might have been…..

To My Best Friend

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To My Best Friend

LettersUnsent

Letters Unsent

My Dear BFF,

It seems this letter will never reach you. But then I am sure it will find its way to you someday.

Being friends is the first step towards any relationship. I am sure we could have converted that first attraction into something more meaningful than what it finally became. We had the required ingredients for the perfect relationship. We knew what the other was thinking, feeling and hiding. Nothing was a secret between us. We proved to be the best that could happen to each other. We admired, respected and loved each other with all dedication and no compulsion. We were close enough to be termed as soul mates. Then why? Then why did we have to part ways?

What changed? The people, as in you and me? The circumstances, as in the distances between us?  For people who care for each other, there is no room for ego. There is no room for neglect or hurt. There is only pure and total understanding. Where did we go wrong? What did I miss? I know I will never know and I have come to terms with it.

You are and always will be my best friend. No matter where you are, with whom you are, under what circumstances you are, you will always find me just a heart beat away. That’s what friendship means to me. Not the proximity in body, but in soul. I am here for you whenever you need me. If I only knew why I had to lose that place in your life. Why you chose to neglect and hurt me? Why the hurt refuses to go and why the pain refuses to subside.

I am not willing to change who I am and what I am to please you. The idea of friendship is to be accepted as is. Change I will for the people who need a modified version of me. For you, I want to be what I really am. If that changes, then there is no holding ground for this friendship. I guess it is best to let our friendship die a slow death then.

Hopefully, our paths will never cross again. Even if we do meet, it will be like strangers. Which is a reality because I don’t know you anymore. I don’t want a changed version of you either. I am sure I will never get my best friend back again. And I am ready to accept this now.

Out of sight, out of mind, but not out of soul. Yet!

Let’s not meet even in dreams I say,
If you do come, it better be to stay!

The hole in my heart stays ripped and dripping in memory of you…. My friend… My best friend… Forever???

Until time heals, still yours,
Jyothi

Written for Write Tribe’s Letters Unsent .

You Only Live Once

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Write Tribe Prompt
Prompt # 3 : You Only Live Once

It is not that life had been unfair to her. She had everything that she could ever want. A loving husband, two beautiful daughters and a life that could be the envy of most of her friends and relatives. But even then, at times, Shilpa kept wondering about the “What ifs” in her life.

On this particular lazy Sunday, she was cruising through the facebook profiles of her friends from college. It was not a very busy week and she was more relaxed than she had been in a while. Looking at the profiles brought back a lot of pleasant memories. She smiled as she remembered those Birthday Celebrations, those beach and park outings, dinners and even the once in a while study dates. It was a fun life.

Shilpa was never the friend magnet. She was more or less of an introvert by the time she reached college. This was not the case a few years before that. A chatterbox, a vibrant and happy go lucky person she was, who was never afraid  of a dare. With age she learnt to let go of her childishness. But even then her carefree and kind nature always won her friends. Good friends, not the follower kind. And she to this day has maintained quite a few of those friendships, even across distances and time zones.

Today she looked at the pictures of her friends playing with their 4 and 5 year olds. She couldn’t help wonder why there are no photos of her doing the same. She had loads of pictures with her kids, that was not lacking. What was lacking was the sparkle in Shilpa’s eyes that was lost in the long years of parenting.

She took out her old albums from college and compared them to the ones with her kids when they were younger. While gaining weight, maturity and two kids, she had managed to lose the sparkle in her eye. That naughty want for an adventure. That inherent taste of the unknown. The surprises, the love, the dreams and the ambitions of a young 20 year old. She was almost 35 now and she wondered where time went.

Then it struck her! This was her problem! This comparison. Why compare two different phases in life to each other? Shilpa woke up from her reverie with a smile on her face. She realized that what stopped her from being herself was the fear of the future. Add to it the past that she didn’t willingly leave behind. Her life could have taken an entirely different turn, if she had made different choices. But then, she couldn’t change her past or her choices now. But she could learn to live the present better than any past she had or any future she ever hoped to have.

She needed to enjoy whatever she did. For that she had to do what she wants to do with her life, not live it as per somebody else’s wishes. After all you live only once.

This is written as part of the Write Tribe.

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May Photo A Day 11

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May Photo A Day 11 is here and I am trying to post a photo everyday on this blog. Hope you like it . 🙂

The Eleventh Prompt: A Smile

It is said that if you need to see and understand a smile, you need to look into the eyes. They never lie. The basis of any relationship is friendship. And the basis of any friendship is being able to laugh together. So much so that when you think about that friend in his/her absence, your eyes break into a smile.

Today’s prompt definitely brought a smile on my face. You cannot see my eyes from where you are sitting, but I can give you a hint. Take a good look at the eyes in this picture. They are as looney as they can get. This is a smile to beat all smiles because the eyes tell it all. I am crazy. I am crazy about you. 🙂

Looney Smile

Looney Smile

Clicked for May Photo A Day. You might want to like my Photography Page . 🙂

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