It has been a while…

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My blog tells me that it has been 5 months since I wrote something here. I guess it is time to start writing again. If only planning to write , wanting to write and writing were all easy to do as they used to be.

Collecting thoughts and putting them down on paper (ahem) isn’t easy anymore. There is so much to say, so much I should not say and so much more that should have been said a long time ago. 

But one has to restart somewhere. Let it be now and let it be here. At the moment that I am still sad that my first born is not at home anymore , yet happy and proud of the man he has turned out to be. He has flown the coop . He is happy at a college in the US. This moment is precious to me. I just realized he misses home. I also just realized how selfish I am!

Let the feeling sink in, I keep telling myself. It hasn’t yet. He is still a child. He still behaves the same. He still is the same. I know it is wishful thinking to hope that he will always remains the same.

I started blogging when my kids were small and blogged through their teenage. In this new phase as a college mom, I am not sure what to blog about anymore. Until I figure out what to write about, I am leaving you with something that’s close to my heart these days :

Missing someone is bad enough, but being missed feels even worse…

Writing 

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It isn’t in the honour or accolades that a writer breathes,
It’s in the inner peace that writing brings,
I write to feel the warmth of the written word,
It’s effect on this cold soul within.

Many years of happiness and pain,
Maketh a writer more supreme,
A writer known for their writing will inturn,
Suffer many more years of happiness and pain.

How different is a writer from a normal soul?
How elite is this crowd that pride?
Aren’t humans a part of the stories we tell?
Aren’t emotions that we shamelessly sell?

Humans above humans, we know not what we think,
It is all for praise for a job well done,
While another human sits to decide, with malice even,
If what I write is in any way worth his while… 

Being Hurt

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Being hurt is a sign of being human. Maturity should not take that from us.

   

When we are in a situation that has no solution, what can we do? 

I saw an ad recently issued in public interest about men and crying. It seems it  is something that has been grilled into boys for generations. 

Boys don’t cry!  Ladke rote nahi hai!

My first born is a boy and oh boy , the way he cried just after birth. His cries have kept me awake for nights together when he had the hernia and he couldn’t express what was hurting him. 

My husband cried the day our son was born. He cries when he sees any of us in pain. It’s a natural feeling to be hurt or to cry. Gender has nothing to do with it. Neither does age or maturity. 

It’s all about how much of a human we are. The daughter and I are a bit too human that way. Some insensitive people call us “too” sensitive. We are proud of it though! And no, we were not “taught” to cry because we are women. 

Yes, I am hurt. I am not embarrassed to express it. My life isn’t what I wanted it to be. I am not all what I could have been. 

I never thought being a mother would make me want to not want anything more in life. But it did. Even though it hurt every step of the way. The hurt of seeing my children grow. The hurt of them preparing to start a new life. The hurt of the first few harsh words that teenagers use. I have been there , done that and I have a few grey hairs and wrinkles to prove it. 

I see pregnant ladies in parks and malls and wonder if they have any idea how dramatically their life is going to change. The second child adds to that equation, the complexity of being “fair” and of equality. It never a ends, the battle against hurt. Yet we embrace each new hurt with a smiling face. We are only human. Humans that need love, care, understanding and a reason to continue living.

Laugh when you feel happy, cry when emotions overwhelm you.

That’s what life is all about. The simple essence of it. The essence of being ourselves. About being open to hurt and gaining the ability to overcome that pain. We mature, we learn, we grow. 

E for Eagerness

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It has been really long. I have a lot of excuses to make, but they are pointless now. I just need to be able to express myself here again. For this I have to put an end to the guilt of not being able to participate in the A to Z challenge this year. So  I am going to publish the posts that were ready to publish in that series over the next two days and then move on with my blogging life. What say you?


 E for Eagerness

A boring tale,
Life would be,
If everyday,
Felt the same to me.

A brand new day,
A whole new feeling,
An urge to live,
To give life more meaning.

Those pretty flowers,
Those chirping birds,
The life that blooms
In spite all odds.

Every inspiration,
Has a path to show,
It all depends on,
Our eagerness to grow.

~~ Jyothi Nair  – 22nd February 2014 ~~

A to Z

A to Z

Are you Cunning me?

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It looks like I have given importance to negative emotions more in this list. But what can one do when the world is filled with such negativity?

Maybe knowing the signs and symptoms of such emotions can help us lead a happier life. We are then equipped with enough knowledge to ignore things that we can’t change.

What we can do is remain happy by seeking  happiness within us rather than in the approval of anyone else!

And yes, we continue…


 C is for Cunning

Is it winning or losing?
Is life a game?
Love of the truth,
Or shortlived fame?

You deceived me, 
Despite my love,
You deceived yourself,
And the God above.

Happiness is not a winning,
It is a feeling from within,
It can’t be gained,
From being so cunning.

Be true to self,
Be true to others,
Deception is a flaw,
Which has no takers. 

~~ Jyothi Nair – 22nd Feb 2014 ~~

A to Z

Pic Courtesy : Kingdom of Style

Feeling Betrayed

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This emotion is the strongest and the most dangerous of all. The stronger the relationship, the harder and longer the heartache is. But everyone survives it and comes out as a better person and with a better person.

I am not a saint, but world is my temple and love is my God. Shall we continue?


B for Betrayal

I sensed somehow,
A fragrance unknown,
A sparkle in the eye,
A new smile that is born.

You are promised to me,
In heart and soul,
Till death do us apart,
Or so I am told.

There is no love,
When there is doubt,
There is no gain,
When there is no trust.

There is no solace,
Once the mind has strayed,
I fear more than death,
To have to feel so betrayed.

~~ Jyothi Nair – 20th Feb 2014 ~~

A to Z

Pic Courtesy : Kingdom of Style