This Post is Blank…

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When I need to talk, I blog. It is as simple as that…

But right now I am staring at a blank screen and wondering how I used to do this before. I have churned out posts every single day for daily challenges. I have completed months of daily writing challenges. I have said so much and I have read so much. I have gained an impressive amount of knowledge from blogging spheres.

When I first started blogging, my kids weren’t even teenagers. They were growing up way too fast and life was way too complicated. I was working and then I wasn’t. Then I was working again and then I wasn’t. Then I was working again and then I wasn’t. Somewhere between those confused decisions, fateful friendships, colourful colleagues, blogging adventures and the Indian Education System, my kids grew up.

I am expereincing the  Empty Nest Syndrome right now. Ideally speaking, I should be getting back to work. I should be getting back in to the crazy world of work politics and tensed relationships. Though, I don’t think I am emotionally stable enough to go through that again. It might seem weird to some, but to me I take such commitments pretty seriously. I give it my 110%. Ultimately leading to disappointments and fatique. My body has a way of responding to emotional stress. It begins to shut down. There are actual studies that show that emotional stress and fatique can lead to physical pain. None of these show up on test results, leaving you even more frustrated with life!

So what does one do to become immune to life. Does one have to sell their soul to the devil to survive this world? Well , that’s a topic for another day I guess. Right now I am stressing out on a series of stupid issues. Somehow typing it out for the world to read leaves an incredible sense of satisfaction. I am not sure a Diary would serve the same purpose. A diary cannot respond. A diary cannot send you good vibes and hugs. It is passive, I am done with passive relationships with anything and anyone.

A sense of calm is prevailing in me now. I am not tensed as I should be. I read a lot, I watch a lot of Tv, I listen to different kinds of music and I love the company of my better half. With the kids gone, it is just the two of us. Boring as hell. Yet , somehow, fulfilling. In between this calm and this euphoria, I have learnt to stay away from Whatsapp groups. It’s a wormhole waiting to take you to another world. A world where misunderstandings and misinterpretations happen beyond our wildest dreams. It’s crazy how sensitive and insecure people are in this world. There is a group of Engineers, out of whom, I think I am the only one who hasn’t had a solid career to speak of. Shouldn’t I be the ones with the most insecurities?

Apparantly, a lot of people who seem well settled with their choices and lives aren’t really so. A discussion can lead to bullying in no time. This can easily be followed by trolling. That’s the pettiness of such insecurities. They just need a victim to have fun with. I have always been an easy prey. I am not too smart when it comes to identifying such traps. I trust too easy. At least I was like that. I have imporved a lot over the years. But it has come to a state that has left me not trusting anyone at all. So I rarely let go of diplomacy when dealing with a group. But still you get roped into something once in a while. Now that I have the time to respond, it is a dangerous game to play. But this time I didn’t give in that easily. At least I don’t think so.

Tell me something, if someone becomes over the top successful in his/her career, can we say that only hardwork got him/her to the position he/she is in now? Is it wrong in saying that the break that someone got is a great one and that he/she is lucky to have got it? Does it negate the hardwork factor in anyway? Obviously they have worked hard, else such a break wouldn’t have come to them in the first place! But not every hardworking individual is blessed with such breaks in life. At least not the ones that lead to over the top success in career. There is a luck factor in everything in life.

Anyways, speaking of insecurities, it seems I do have some of my own too. Actually , I have always had them. I have this feeling that I am never going to be able to be healthy again. So like every  New Year before this, this year too, I have a resolution to get back into shape. A nice round but healthy shape.

Who knows, 2018 maybe the year that makes it happen. I am giving myself yet another chance. Let’s hope I don’t let myself down again.

Cheers Bloggers! Happy New Year.

Happy New Year 2018

Happy New Year 2018

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Are you upset?

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I am sure at least one out of five of us would answer to this in the affirmative. That is the sad truth about this world. Everywhere you turn, you see and hear things that upset you. 

The common complain is the rise of crime in our country. Early morning news bulletins are covered with them. News spread like wildfire through newspapers, radio and the Internet . Crime gainst men, against women, against children or against animals. Crime against another living thing is considered newsworthy. Prime time shows are set up to discuss the issue. People cash in on other people’s misery. All these upset the common man.

The world is full of nut jobs who make it a bad place to live in. Agreed. How many of these common men do you think know how to respect another individual or how to behave with other individuals in their own lives?

All through the work day, someone is backstabbing someone else , someone is overthrowing someone’s power, someone is trying to displace someone from a position so as to warrant a promotion for themselves. There are many whose sole purpose in life is to make others look bad. They try and cut the abled person from expressing his/her thought, because they know that this can be detrimental to their chances of a promotion. 

It is a cut throat world out there. Even in schools, which are not and should not be part of the corporate culture. It is such actions of cut throat competitions that the children watch and learn. Sensationalising rumours also form a part of the news hungry or gossip hungry world. No one wants to mind their own business. All are running the rat race not knowing what is on the other end of it. 

On the other end there is sheer exhaustion. Sheer disappointment for the kind of life they wanted to live and the kind of life they have ended up with. No success is solely our own. Someone somewhere has failed in their tasks to enable us to succeed and move ahead. That is the circle of life. But when we try to speed up the process, that is when things start to get ugly. 

In short, all through our life, we are upset about something or the other. During midlife we will find most of our compatriots in a Yoga Center somewhere relaxing their troubled nerves. Most of us will be on medications of some kind or the other. We have gained a lot in the past years, and we have lost a lot too.  Happiness, fortune and opportunities have come knocking on our doors. Yet we are left with the feeling that something is not right somewhere.

Many accept it and learn to deal with it. Some learn to live in denial. Everything that comes is papers and news are a matter of their concern. But what happens within their homes or offices,  every single day , is never in the limelight and hence not a concern.

Thank you newspapers and social media for helping us forget what we lack in our lives and giving us an excuse to vent our frustrations without anyone knowing the right reasons behind them. We are truly obliged. 

A Bird in Hand

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A Bird in hand

A Bird in hand is worth two in the bush. 🙂

Yesterday was a not one of the best days of my life. I have not been keeping well for more than a week now . It is my diet and exercise routine that is playing havoc on my “very much used to Sedentary life style” body.

Whatever the reason, it has brought my zest,  for a slimmer body and healthier lifestyle , down to the bare minimum. I rather have a non headache day than look my slimmest best. Maybe by the end of this week I might get used to the the new lifestyle. Or maybe not. Only time will tell!

Written for the Write Tribe’s Saturday Prompt

The prompt: Write a hundred words without thinking – just free your mind!

100 Words on Saturday - Write Tribe

My Earliest Memory

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My Earliest Memories

My Earliest Memories

I was barely 3 when my parents shifted from Chennai to Kerala. It has been told that I was the naughtiest child in the colony in Chennai. Apparently I had a boyfriend my age and we used to create havoc in the house when we were together. (Please, we were 3. Kindly refrain from indecent thoughts at least once in a while!)

I am told we tilted buckets of flour onto us and looked like white ghosts one day. When my sisters recounted these incidents to me, I could actually remember them. I remember the helpless anger on my mom’s face. Obviously, rice flour is of great importance in a Malayalee household! I think my mom’s Murukku was (world-)famous in our colony. I somehow remember her making those round and round designs onto a white cloth. She was always beautiful, but she looked most beautiful when she was not angry! This I remember too well.

My mom’s anger is (world-)famous. ( It’s my memory and I am allowed exaggeration) . If my sisters were foolish enough to commit mistakes, she would give them the silent treatment. That is worse than the shouting matches I have with my kids at home these days. Imagine how many less throat infections I would have had over the years if I had followed her footsteps! SHE JUST WOULDN’T TALK to us for days together! My sisters always envied me, because she always spoke to them through me during those times. I guess I was the youngest, sweetest and cutest always. (Again, I am allowed exaggeration).

My first memories revolved around my Grandmom. My mom’s mother. We stayed with her for almost two years in Kerala before shifting to Dubai. Our ancestral home in Palakkad was a typical “Tharavadu”. I remember running around in that huge house from Thallam (Dining Room) to Adukala (Kitchen) which was the center of the house. On both sides were verandahs and rooms on two floors with a staircase on each side to access the respective rooms. If my memory serves me right, that house had 8 bedrooms excluding the grain rooms and the rooms in the attic.

We had cows and goats in our sheds. Swaying coconut and beetle nut trees in the “parambu” around the house made those swishing sounds in the winds. Different varieties of mangoes and jackfruit trees everywhere. Plenty of vegetable patches neatly planted on acres and acres of land. I used to accompany the help when she fed the cows and the goats. My aunt used to force feed boiled fresh cow’s milk to us every night. I think that is when I  started hating the smell and taste of milk!

Farm House

I remember waiting for everyone to finish off their meals, I would gather all the banana peels and take it to Lakshmi , my favourite cow. She would moo at the sight of me, the help used to say. She knew her food was on its way. The help would then carry me towards Lakshmi and help me feed those banana peels directly into her mouth!

It is an amazing feeling when we try and think back to the very first memory that we have of our lives. It makes everything else around us seem so strangely unfamiliar. As I came out of the thoughts about these incidents, I felt misplaced in this apartment. Miles away from where I was born, and from where I first started my conscious life.

I wish my kids could run around and enjoy those gardens and plantations. That house has been taken down. All that remains are the foundation of the house , the wells and the animal sheds. Most of it in ruins. None of us have the time or the resources to go back and rebuild that lifestyle. I see that desire in my mom’s eyes even now. If there is one wish that I have that I know will never happen, it is to build a farm house there. To lead a life that I had seen with those young eyes at the tender age of 4. Carefree and in the lap of nature and its bounty. Fresh fruits, fresh vegetables, fresh grains, fresh milk and lots and lots of fresh air to breathe.

This is a part of a tag in our Facebook Write Tribe Group.

I was tagged by Aditi.

And I tag Sheethal.

Take it away Sheethal dear. 🙂 

Also adding this to the Write Tribe Wednesday Prompt which I have used in this post coincidently. 🙂

And the prompt “She looked most beautiful” comes from Shiva Kapoor who blogs at Where The Mind Is Without Fear.

Write Tribe
Pictures Courtesy : Sulekha Travels. Visit the webpage to see more photographs of the things I am talking about. Those pictures reminds me of those days. Too many coincidences happening with this post. 🙂

Time to read

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Time to read

Time to read

The question for the day is :

What do you wish you had more time to do each day?

I wish I had more time in a day simply because I spend half of my days with a headache. I need that time to complete the four/five books that I am reading simultaneously at this point!

When I think of all the time I have wasted sleeping because of my headaches, I feel like crying. Such precious time that I could use to clean the home, cook better food, blog better, comment better, reply better, read better or simple live happily just wasted away in the dreamworld. The worst part is that the dreams during these headaches are not peaceful either. They are packed with so much action that I wake up feeling more exhausted than I was before I fell asleep.

Such days are a total ruin for me when they begin this way. I just drag along. November was relatively a good month in terms of this. Except for the last week, when I was down again. Yesterday too, I was down with a headache and ear pain. I was thinking of quitting the NaBloPoMo December challenge because of this. But now I decided against it.

I am addicted to blogging and I am seriously loving it. Not going to let a measly headache take it away from me.  I need more headache free time. That is what I need. Just two hours in a hopeless day is enough for me to catch up with blogging and reading books. I seriously need these to survive now.

What do you want more time for? I hate headache free people by the way. :p

NaBloPoMo December 2013

Picture Courtesy : Dreamstime

I am grateful

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I am grateful

I am grateful

When all we can think of are the bad things happening to us, it is best to close our eyes and pray. Pray not for things to get better, for that would mean that we are still thinking about our troubles, but pray and be grateful for the small things in life that make up our day. My blogger friend Suzy’s FB timeline had this interesting post on Gratitude List. This inspired me to make a list of my own. Today seems like the perfect day to this because showing gratitude when things are going good is very easy to do. The list then would be endless. But when things are falling apart around you, the task becomes a bit daunting.

Something happened last week, that has ruined our plans a bit. So we are in the process of trying to figure how to get out of the mess. So I close my eyes today and pray for the things that went right in the past few days.

  1. Even though I read through most part of the night, I was able to wake up on time to make breakfast and send my kids to school on time.
  2. My kids have exams next week and finally the seriousness has sunk in this weekend.
  3. My driver’s license had expired in September and it was totally by accident that discovered this. Got it renewed yesterday.
  4. The carpenter found time to come and pick up the broken door of a cupboard to repair it yesterday.
  5. The maintenance fixed the light issue in the bathroom today.
  6. We managed to cancel three credit cards that were excess and weren’t being used much in the last few months. To get rid of temptations. 😀
  7. Even while I type this on my iPad , I am relaxing on my bed after an early morning siesta. I am thankful that this is a possibility in my life now.
  8. I got offered all the jobs I applied for. And I short listed one of them. Will start teaching again in March 2014. 🙂
  9. I have found the reason for all the aches and body pains that come into my life on a regular basis. I am on a month long medication and diet control for the same.
  10. My daughter and son are more mature and sorted out than I thought they were. Certain incidences over the week made me realize that I am not a bad mother after all. 😀

So what is your gratitude list? Do write about them and link up at Suzy’s blog. 🙂

Picture Courtesy : Gratfulfoodie.com

NaBloPoMo November 2013