To My Best Friend

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To My Best Friend

LettersUnsent

Letters Unsent

My Dear BFF,

It seems this letter will never reach you. But then I am sure it will find its way to you someday.

Being friends is the first step towards any relationship. I am sure we could have converted that first attraction into something more meaningful than what it finally became. We had the required ingredients for the perfect relationship. We knew what the other was thinking, feeling and hiding. Nothing was a secret between us. We proved to be the best that could happen to each other. We admired, respected and loved each other with all dedication and no compulsion. We were close enough to be termed as soul mates. Then why? Then why did we have to part ways?

What changed? The people, as in you and me? The circumstances, as in the distances between us?  For people who care for each other, there is no room for ego. There is no room for neglect or hurt. There is only pure and total understanding. Where did we go wrong? What did I miss? I know I will never know and I have come to terms with it.

You are and always will be my best friend. No matter where you are, with whom you are, under what circumstances you are, you will always find me just a heart beat away. That’s what friendship means to me. Not the proximity in body, but in soul. I am here for you whenever you need me. If I only knew why I had to lose that place in your life. Why you chose to neglect and hurt me? Why the hurt refuses to go and why the pain refuses to subside.

I am not willing to change who I am and what I am to please you. The idea of friendship is to be accepted as is. Change I will for the people who need a modified version of me. For you, I want to be what I really am. If that changes, then there is no holding ground for this friendship. I guess it is best to let our friendship die a slow death then.

Hopefully, our paths will never cross again. Even if we do meet, it will be like strangers. Which is a reality because I don’t know you anymore. I don’t want a changed version of you either. I am sure I will never get my best friend back again. And I am ready to accept this now.

Out of sight, out of mind, but not out of soul. Yet!

Let’s not meet even in dreams I say,
If you do come, it better be to stay!

The hole in my heart stays ripped and dripping in memory of you…. My friend… My best friend… Forever???

Until time heals, still yours,
Jyothi

Written for Write Tribe’s Letters Unsent .

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QUOTE – Being Good

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I QUOTE

I QUOTE

Sometimes people think being honest is enough to be a good person. Being kind, understanding and considerate of other’s feelings won’t hurt either.

On Vishu Day….

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Over the past few days I have been thinking. Not that I don’t think otherwise. I was just thinking more deeply. About life and where it was heading.

For the past three years, I have come to a state where even
the slightest stress takes its toll on my health. And this is the same person
who has never had a problem facing life. I used to smile through a lot of
things in life, never giving an inkling of my real feelings out even to the
closest people in my life. In the otherwise busy and full life, there was a
part of me that always believed that things would improve. There will be good
times ahead.

I guess when that feeling evaporates into thin air, it is confirmed that you are going through a midlife crisis. I want to know for how long does this last? When am I going to accept that certain things are not meant to happen and will not happen and they should be forgotten and not put on a back burner?

On Vishu day , I happened to hear about a sad incident about a couple that got married this Jan. The couple was employed in India(Same Company) at that time and then shifted base to the US, when asked to by the company. The Day before Vishu, the guy committed suicide. I have no updates after that. No one knows the reason behind it. Her parents are here in Dubai and she is stuck in the US with no one to help her. Can you imagine the plight of the girl and both the sets of parents?

I can understand if someone going through a midlife crisis and finding no solutions to financial and personal issues, ending their life. Not justifying it, but just stating the mental instability at that age.

But at the age of 25, when both his and her parents are in good positions to help out in everyway, WHY?

It makes me wonder if there is a hidden side in everyone’s life. If there is, then I think it’s high time we got rid of it. There should be at least one person on this earth who knows everything about you and that person should help you through the toughest of times. Marriages are meant to be that relationship. I guess that was in the past. These days, at the inking of a problem, the couples separate and go independent ways. Not just divorces, but the compromises that most marriages end up being. People are too selfish to think of anyone else other than himself or herself.

Suicide is selfishness too. Ending life can never be a solution to any problem. It just leaves the others around you with a never recovering deep scar. How fair is that to the people you claim to love?

Never Make a Promise

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The idea of promises has always been fascinating for me. As a kid it meant that whatever was promised would happen. In most cases it did. These taught me to believe in people and to trust everyone unless otherwise proven wrong.

The other kind, of broken promises, taught me that some things are just not meant to happen however hard anyone tries. At such times, the reality of the fact that nothing in life is permanent and nothing in life can be taken for granted pops into my mind.

Not everyone can be trusted. But everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt. There was a phase in my life, where in I wouldn’t trust anyone. When a trust gets broken, it shatters your heart and makes you want to crawl up and die. But then you don’t. Something or someone always brings us back among the living.

It is said that the basis of any relationship is trust. If that basic block is not in place, then the whole thing is just a mass of wasted construction that is waiting to collapse at any moment. Other factors that form the basis of any relationship is mutual understanding , respect and of course love. Every relationship needs these to survive and the lack of any of them will hasten the collapse.

Most people live their life to prevent this collapse. Some in denial , some in total acceptance of the situation. Yet others are in the process of discovering which of the two is applicable to them.

Life is not full of beauty, happiness and honesty. It is filled with deceit, remorse and rejections. Every relationship needs a binding factor. Some are attached by birth, some by a marriage certificate, some by their children and others that are emotionally bonded for no valid reason. Friendships fall under this category.

Every relationship has a beginning and an end. Sometimes beginnings remain hidden and sometimes the end. The latter being more fatal of the two. People are not meant to live alone. They need someone and that’s very true. But if that someone turns around and makes living difficult every few months, then maybe, just maybe, they fall in the latter half.

In the process of analyzing relationships, there are a few that fit each category mentioned.

With the ease with which I delete blogs, and posts and move ahead into newer ones, you would think that moving on is something that comes naturally to me. But life and people are not internet and blogging. They are real emotions , feelings and bonding and they rarely change. And I think they shouldn’t either. Because that would make me an abandoner. And I ‘d much rather be abandoned that the other way around.

I have learnt never to make promises. That too the hard way. I have a bad habit of trying to keep them even if they have lost meaning to the person involved. But then, that’s the person am I. I am just wondering out loud. Should I change?